Love

Love is a funny thing. I swear I was in love with my husband 5 years ago when i agreed to marry him. And still the day that I actually said I do. But today. Today I love that man more than words could ever express. I don't even know that I can really comprehend the feelings I have for him. Maybe its because Im pregnant, and appreciating all the little things this time, or maybe we have really grown that much closer. I don't know, but I don't care either. The man that I married 5 years ago is no where near the man that I wake up to every day. The new one is selfless (well, more now than he ever was before), thankful, helpful, caring, hard working.... He does lack compassion, but no one's perfect right? 


So, what does it take to raise a boy into a man like this? Prayer. Lots and lots of prayer. I was talking to the MIL about how wonderful Jamie is and what a great job they did raising him, and she said its nice to know they did some things right, but really the credit is Gods. It made me wonder. How much will my parenting affect how my children turn out? Is it really the boundaries and rules that i set for them, or is it the example that they are shown. I bet J's mama never sat him down and said, " this is how you treat a lady" if she did, he would have treated ALL the girls he dated like he treats me. And believe me, he did not! I bet she never sat down and said "this is how you have a successful marriage" or " this is how you raise kids, be a daddy or a good provider". See, those kinds of things are learned through example. Good and bad. No parent is perfect, so if we take the good and the bad examples we had, we can go from good to great, and our kids can go from great to excellent... the cycle can only get better right?


Its so easy to doubt my parenting. I should have done that, or is this really the best way to handle things....i get frustrated. easily. i don't get angry, just frustrated. I can not for the life of me figure out why my kids listen like angel babies all day and the minute dad walks thru that door they become roaring dinosaurs who have absolutely no memory of having a mom at all.... when J is deployed, the don't go thru the wild phase. not on a daily basis anyways. Someday i'll understand what it was that made the light go off when daddy got home. someday i'll understand just what kind of impact i had on my kids. but today i just want to enjoy this phase. the obnoxious phase. Im sure in 15 years I'd give anything to have these moments back.