Okay, so im gonna start by saying… I absolutely support uncovered, public breastfeeding. However… I do think there is a modest way to do it….. the not so modest way is where my problem is…..
So heres the scenario. We're at registration for the kids school yesterday. A woman has a baby in a carseat/stroller combo. She is screaming, because she's hungry. Ive been there. it sucks. Mom is getting ready to nurse her, in a very public place, with many preteen boys. Mom proceeds to pull her boob completely out of her shirt, and let it hang there, while she not only gets said screaming baby out of her carseat, but she actually has to UNBUCKLE her. I can't tell you how many people were staring. Not adults so much as these pre teen boys. This is the breast feeding that everyone is expected to be okay with? I for one am not.
Not because I don't support breast feeding. Not because I find it in any way sexual. Not because i think we should cover when we feed our kids. But because Im the mom of pre teen boys. Pre teen boys that are fully aware that boobs are for feeding babies. But also are in that weird phase where boobs are also fun to look at, and make things…. well, happen down there. Boobs are exciting to pre teen boys. Regardless of whether they're feeding a kid or not.
I breast fed all of my kids. Some even consider my self led weening, extended. We went 15 months with 2, and 18 months with the middle one. I will nurse this one as long as he wants to nurse too. I nursed in public, both covered and uncovered. But never did i let my boob hang out while i messed with a carseat and got a kid latched. Isn't there such a thing as MODEST breast feeding? Not because its embarrassing or disgusting to nurse our babies, but because there are young impressionable minds that can't yet differentiate between something that isn't sexual at all, and something that IS? My husband has asked me how breast feeding our boys differs from when he and I are intimate- you all know what I'm implying here….. The fact is a man may not be able to separate the two. and if a grown man can't, isn't it asking a bit much for my 9 year old to?
I feel like since all of this breast feeding stuff has come about, women push the envelope more and more. as to say, i dare you to say something to me. is it really about our ability to nurse our babies in public anymore? or is it about allow us to parade our bodies around in the name of breast feeding? All of these people saying try to eat your lunch under a blanket…. I'm sorry. not the same at all. If you are drinking out of a water bottle with a straw and simply have to SUCK, it is completely doable with a blanket over your head. Eating a full on meal with utensils and such, is in no way the same as nursing a baby. sorry. i just don't buy it. Not that i think it should be required to have a blanket over my kids head while he nurses, but you get what I'm saying? the two just aren't comparable. so stop.
Using a cover is not always easy. For me, it was, but i also had very serious nursers, that were used to covers. If I didn't cover, it took 3 times as long to breast feed because they were distracted. I opted to cover mostly, for this reason. But when i didn't have a cover, and my kid needed to eat, i simply got him ready, and lifted my shirt up, exposing my feed bags ONLY to my son, not to anyone else. In fact, I'm pretty sure no one else knew i was nursing. I have ZERO problems with this. ZERO. please, feed your baby. when they're hungry. where you are. But can we please please please go back to when it wasn't a political statement to feed our kids? I was never kicked out of anywhere. No one ever said anything to me.
The vast majority of moms that breast feed in public without a cover do so modestly. But the few that DONT are the ones that are making this loud. The lady that nurses her kid with a skin tight dress on, and pulls her boob out of the top of the dress, then bends down to get her son out of the stroller, while her boob is just hanging out for everyone to see, while she checks in to watch her boyfriend graduate from boot camp…. Yea, thats not classy. Thats not about you wanting to feed your kid in public without anyone staring or saying anything. Thats you TRYING to get someone to say something. Unfortunately for you, my husband, who was checking you in, held his vomit until after you left….. But these few women, are the ones that make people frown on public breast feeding. If a man had his business hanging out in public like that it would be indecent exposure… but because we produce milk, we get a free pass? I don't think so.
Lets breast feed. Lets do it in public. Lets do it on demand. Lets do in uncovered. But for the sake of me having to scold my 9 year old, can we PLEASE use some modesty while we do this very natural and healthy thing?!?!?!
End rant.
Wednesday, August 6, 2014
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
Being Super Mom
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
A few days ago, I read a fantastic blog. It was about how NO mom is supermom, and we need to stop comparing ourselves to each other. I cant for the life of me figure out this linking business tonight, so my apologies for not having it linked up. It is however on my facebook page if you'd like to read the article in its entirety. She made so many valid points. I was nodding my head all the way through. But for the last couple days since reading it, I've thought a lot about it. Almost obsessively actually. So I wanted to reflect a little on the one and only part I disagreed with.
NO mom is super mom.
I have on more than one occasion been called a super mom. And I own that. I AM a super mom. I have 3 boys. Fairly close in age. They are all extremely well behaved. They are kind. They are gentlemen. They are loving. They are God fearing. My boys are amazing. They are this way because I have made them this way. I expect a tremendous amount from my boys. And guess what! They rise to meet and exceed my expectations. Because that's what kids do. They WANT to make you happy. So if you set high standards they achieve amazing things. Im not just a mom tho. Im also a military wife. And a VERY good one. Im the wife that other wives hate. I do all the cleaning, all the cooking, I support my husbands career, I raise the kids, I know my place. I pin my husbands uniforms. I respect that at this stage in our lives, the military comes before the family. not in my husbands heart of course. he would give anything to have a job that paid him as well as this one does with all the benefits and let him be home at 5 every day. but that's no where we are right now. So he is a military man. And I am PROUD of him. Im also fit. I work out daily. I have a good group of friends. I have a dog that is arguably the greatest animal on the planet. I have great relationships with my family. I have an amazing walk with my Abba daddy. Im a great cook. Im a good house keeper. And I run a daycare out of my home. I AM A SUPER MOM.
This has intimidated people. I have been perceived as something I am not, because of my success in what I've chosen to do. Now. I am not going to stop being who I am because I intimate people. I LOVE who I am. I LOVE my life. I LOVE me. My goal here is not to make people see how great I am. I don't need anyone's validation. See, I know who I am, and that is enough for me. My goal here is this.
We are ALL super moms. We all have different gifts. we all have different challenges. Just because in my day I craft, work, cook, clean, and 2.4 million other things and you shower and feed your kid a microwave dinner, does not make one of us more of a mom than the other. Ya know why? because we ALL want the same thing for our kids. We want them to be loved. And only YOU know how to love your child the way they need to be loved. I think part of me fills my day with busy work because my boys are independent. They feel love when mom helps them put clothes away. when we set the table together. My kids don't want to play with me. They're independent. That's okay. It does make me sad sometimes, so I reach out and do things to keep my mind off the fact that I don't feel needed.
3 months ago, we suffered a loss. Jamie and I had a baby go to heaven. We hadn't met the baby, in fact it was within the first month of pregnancy. some wouldn't even call it a pregnancy. But this felt like a huge failure to me. I am not used to feeling like a failure. I grow babies VERY well. And I felt like I had done something wrong. I cried for a week. Hubby dealt with his grief by buying a new tv and sound system. I felt weak and vulnerable. And then I realized. I have SO many friends that have felt these exact things. because so many of my friends have dealt with loss. loss through miscarriage. loss through infertility. its heart wrenching. you hurt so badly that you don't know how you can possibly pull yourself together and make your kids breakfast. But that's when you have to reach in and find your inner super mom. for my grieving period my kids ate mac n cheese and grilled cheese. oh and I think daddy ordered pizza. and then I put on my cape. I wiped my face. and I decided that every single day, I have to be super mom. for the kids that I have now. for our angel baby in heaven. for the kids that we might have someday. because if im NOT being super mom, im not being the best mom that I can be. and these boys of mine. they deserve that mom.
some days, all we will do is keep our kids alive. some days we will move mountains. but EVERY DAY that we are moms, we have kids that think WE are super mom. Lets live up to that. Lets band together and support each others strengths. Lets love when were hurting. Lets stop trying to be better than each other. We are all on this journey together. We all make different choices. We all use our strengths in different ways. But we all feel pain. We all love our children unconditionally. this is what makes us all super moms. Own it. Our capes are invisible, but our rewards are beyond compare.
NO mom is super mom.
I have on more than one occasion been called a super mom. And I own that. I AM a super mom. I have 3 boys. Fairly close in age. They are all extremely well behaved. They are kind. They are gentlemen. They are loving. They are God fearing. My boys are amazing. They are this way because I have made them this way. I expect a tremendous amount from my boys. And guess what! They rise to meet and exceed my expectations. Because that's what kids do. They WANT to make you happy. So if you set high standards they achieve amazing things. Im not just a mom tho. Im also a military wife. And a VERY good one. Im the wife that other wives hate. I do all the cleaning, all the cooking, I support my husbands career, I raise the kids, I know my place. I pin my husbands uniforms. I respect that at this stage in our lives, the military comes before the family. not in my husbands heart of course. he would give anything to have a job that paid him as well as this one does with all the benefits and let him be home at 5 every day. but that's no where we are right now. So he is a military man. And I am PROUD of him. Im also fit. I work out daily. I have a good group of friends. I have a dog that is arguably the greatest animal on the planet. I have great relationships with my family. I have an amazing walk with my Abba daddy. Im a great cook. Im a good house keeper. And I run a daycare out of my home. I AM A SUPER MOM.
This has intimidated people. I have been perceived as something I am not, because of my success in what I've chosen to do. Now. I am not going to stop being who I am because I intimate people. I LOVE who I am. I LOVE my life. I LOVE me. My goal here is not to make people see how great I am. I don't need anyone's validation. See, I know who I am, and that is enough for me. My goal here is this.
We are ALL super moms. We all have different gifts. we all have different challenges. Just because in my day I craft, work, cook, clean, and 2.4 million other things and you shower and feed your kid a microwave dinner, does not make one of us more of a mom than the other. Ya know why? because we ALL want the same thing for our kids. We want them to be loved. And only YOU know how to love your child the way they need to be loved. I think part of me fills my day with busy work because my boys are independent. They feel love when mom helps them put clothes away. when we set the table together. My kids don't want to play with me. They're independent. That's okay. It does make me sad sometimes, so I reach out and do things to keep my mind off the fact that I don't feel needed.
3 months ago, we suffered a loss. Jamie and I had a baby go to heaven. We hadn't met the baby, in fact it was within the first month of pregnancy. some wouldn't even call it a pregnancy. But this felt like a huge failure to me. I am not used to feeling like a failure. I grow babies VERY well. And I felt like I had done something wrong. I cried for a week. Hubby dealt with his grief by buying a new tv and sound system. I felt weak and vulnerable. And then I realized. I have SO many friends that have felt these exact things. because so many of my friends have dealt with loss. loss through miscarriage. loss through infertility. its heart wrenching. you hurt so badly that you don't know how you can possibly pull yourself together and make your kids breakfast. But that's when you have to reach in and find your inner super mom. for my grieving period my kids ate mac n cheese and grilled cheese. oh and I think daddy ordered pizza. and then I put on my cape. I wiped my face. and I decided that every single day, I have to be super mom. for the kids that I have now. for our angel baby in heaven. for the kids that we might have someday. because if im NOT being super mom, im not being the best mom that I can be. and these boys of mine. they deserve that mom.
some days, all we will do is keep our kids alive. some days we will move mountains. but EVERY DAY that we are moms, we have kids that think WE are super mom. Lets live up to that. Lets band together and support each others strengths. Lets love when were hurting. Lets stop trying to be better than each other. We are all on this journey together. We all make different choices. We all use our strengths in different ways. But we all feel pain. We all love our children unconditionally. this is what makes us all super moms. Own it. Our capes are invisible, but our rewards are beyond compare.
Saddened
I'm struggling with the title of this one. It was brought to my attention today via Facebook that people are again spreading hate in the name of Christianity. I am angered by this. Saddened. Astonished. Anguished. I really can not wrap my head around it. This is the article that is getting the heat this time. http://www.washingtonpost.com/national/religion/world-vision-to-recognize-employees-same-sex-marriages/2014/03/25/a377ff8e-b42b-11e3-bab2-b9602293021d_story.html
Im struggling to short cut that so I apologize. Its on Facebook. I shared it because I was so saddened by this. But I feel the need to put my take on it. If you don't wanna read the article heres the gist. World Vision has decided not to take a stand for or against gay marriage. They have said they support marriage in the traditional sense, but are not supporting or standing again gay marriage. They did say they will employ Christians that are in legal gay marriages. And people have now decided that because of this, they will no longer support World Vision.
WHAT??!?!?!?! They are not hurting world vision. They are hurting the CHILDREN whom they PLEDGED to support until graduation. This isn't a message to world vision. This is putting innocent children in the middle of a debate that has ZERO biblical basis and zero to do with the children.
Now. I do not support gay marriage. It is not biblical. However, I do support equal employment opportunity. Denying someone a right to a job because of their sexual orientation is horribly wrong.
Apparently, these people that are pulling funding from innocent children are doing so on the basis that one can not be a Christian AND be gay. again. WHAT?!?! So then.... I can't be a Christian. see. I sin. Im not gay. But I sin differently. Im not always kind to my children. I sometimes judge. I've told lies. I even stole a piece of piece of candy once. I drank so much that I blacked out once. These are all sins. But beyond the fact that we ALL sin.... WE are not to decide who is saved and who is not. That's a personal thing. That's between the person and the Lord. That has NOTHING to do with ANYONE else. Why do we judge sin? Why is being gay this huge scarlet letter in the Christian community? Yet, someone that has a coke habit and beats his wife is welcome in these little church circles. Have Christians become those people that people put on a front for so they aren't judged? This breaks my heart.
Heres my biggest issue with it. You don't have to agree with the acts that world vision has supported. You don't. But before you decide to denounce an organization for equal employment opportunity, remember the greatest commandments. there are 2 ya ready? Matthew 22:36-39
36 “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”
37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’[a] 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.
LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF. Mind blown. Nothing in there says anything about love them as long as they believe the same as you. Or love them as long as they don't sin. Or judge everything they do. Shall we go to 1 Corinthians now and have a refresher of what love is? Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
How in the world can we both LOVE and spew such hate? It breaks my heart that Christians spread such hatred in the name of our Lord.
Now that we've established that... lets get back to the root of who this hurts. Innocent children that have nothing to do with the issue that these Christians have decided to pull funding over. These are children that otherwise have no education. Children that are in desperate need of something that WE take for granted because our kids have schools to go to. Our kids have education OPTIONS. these don't need options. They just need US. Breaking a commitment to educate a child because you want to spew hatred is beyond pathetic.
I get that people aren't all going to agree with me. I get that people are going to interpret the scriptures differently. I get that people will no longer do business with world vision because of this. That's fine. But the right thing to do, is to honor your commitment to the CHILD. once your commitment is over, if you have a difference in believes, by all means, take your sponsorship to an organization that follows along with your beliefs more specifically. But to punish a child that you made a promise to? Man.... Gotta say.... Christians are doing a darn good job of kicking themselves while their down.
Im struggling to short cut that so I apologize. Its on Facebook. I shared it because I was so saddened by this. But I feel the need to put my take on it. If you don't wanna read the article heres the gist. World Vision has decided not to take a stand for or against gay marriage. They have said they support marriage in the traditional sense, but are not supporting or standing again gay marriage. They did say they will employ Christians that are in legal gay marriages. And people have now decided that because of this, they will no longer support World Vision.
WHAT??!?!?!?! They are not hurting world vision. They are hurting the CHILDREN whom they PLEDGED to support until graduation. This isn't a message to world vision. This is putting innocent children in the middle of a debate that has ZERO biblical basis and zero to do with the children.
Now. I do not support gay marriage. It is not biblical. However, I do support equal employment opportunity. Denying someone a right to a job because of their sexual orientation is horribly wrong.
Apparently, these people that are pulling funding from innocent children are doing so on the basis that one can not be a Christian AND be gay. again. WHAT?!?! So then.... I can't be a Christian. see. I sin. Im not gay. But I sin differently. Im not always kind to my children. I sometimes judge. I've told lies. I even stole a piece of piece of candy once. I drank so much that I blacked out once. These are all sins. But beyond the fact that we ALL sin.... WE are not to decide who is saved and who is not. That's a personal thing. That's between the person and the Lord. That has NOTHING to do with ANYONE else. Why do we judge sin? Why is being gay this huge scarlet letter in the Christian community? Yet, someone that has a coke habit and beats his wife is welcome in these little church circles. Have Christians become those people that people put on a front for so they aren't judged? This breaks my heart.
Heres my biggest issue with it. You don't have to agree with the acts that world vision has supported. You don't. But before you decide to denounce an organization for equal employment opportunity, remember the greatest commandments. there are 2 ya ready? Matthew 22:36-39
36 “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”
37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’[a] 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.
LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF. Mind blown. Nothing in there says anything about love them as long as they believe the same as you. Or love them as long as they don't sin. Or judge everything they do. Shall we go to 1 Corinthians now and have a refresher of what love is? Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
How in the world can we both LOVE and spew such hate? It breaks my heart that Christians spread such hatred in the name of our Lord.
Now that we've established that... lets get back to the root of who this hurts. Innocent children that have nothing to do with the issue that these Christians have decided to pull funding over. These are children that otherwise have no education. Children that are in desperate need of something that WE take for granted because our kids have schools to go to. Our kids have education OPTIONS. these don't need options. They just need US. Breaking a commitment to educate a child because you want to spew hatred is beyond pathetic.
I get that people aren't all going to agree with me. I get that people are going to interpret the scriptures differently. I get that people will no longer do business with world vision because of this. That's fine. But the right thing to do, is to honor your commitment to the CHILD. once your commitment is over, if you have a difference in believes, by all means, take your sponsorship to an organization that follows along with your beliefs more specifically. But to punish a child that you made a promise to? Man.... Gotta say.... Christians are doing a darn good job of kicking themselves while their down.
Monday, February 3, 2014
Reflections from Sunday
Monday, February 3, 2014
Sundays game was not pretty. In fact is was down right embarrassing. I was angry. Not because we lost, to be honest, I expected to lose, I was angry because we didn't even fight. And now I'm angry because of all the unfair media attention that has become due to the ugly results of yesterdays game. But I do think we can learn a few things from this.
First, I have seen Bronco players posting things like "sorry we let you down". Ummmm. No. You didn't let us down. Was the game brutally painful to watch? Yes. But was every other game of the season brutally painful to watch? HECK NO TECHNO! Our season as a whole was not at all a let down. It was record breaking. It was great. It was in fact, the best season that the AFC saw. Clearly, since we won the AFC championship. Our year was amazing and we need to reflect on THOSE games.
Im tired of the Tebow talk. Seriously. We wouldn't have gotten to the super bowl if we had Tebow. Tebow isn't quick. He isn't even comparably as efficient as Manning is with the ball. I heard someone today refer to Tebow as a full back who could throw. But he can't even throw at NFL lengths so really the Tebow talk is worn out. Sorry to the Broncos fans that love Tebow. Hes a great guy. But hes NOT a great quarterback. Would we have been better off with him, absolutely not. That may be the dumbest thing I've heard in all of the post game talk.
Things that were not accounted for this game. Two major ones, at least I feel. The noise. Seahawks have the loudest proudest fans in the NFL. And while everyone expects them to be loud at home, I didn't think anyone expected them to be THIS loud clear across the country. But why can't they have the loudest fans in the NFC, and open the door for someone else to have the loudest fans in the AFC? At least then we'd have some awesome noise happening ALL game long. This has got to go down as the loudest super bowl in NFL history. Seahawks fans are no joke. For real. they're awesome. Lets make orange crush just as loud. I mean, how good are the fans when our players feel they need to apologize to us for letting us down. I promise that had the roles been reversed, the seahawks fans would have been just as loud and just at proud. okay, maybe not "won the first championship since the sonics" proud, but you get my drift.
The second thing we didn't think about. IMO. Is that Seattle has been GROSSLY underestimated all year. They're young, and pretty inexperienced. But Seattle has possibly the most raw talent of any team in the league. Love him or hate him, Sherman is undeniably the best corner in the NFL. Personally, I love the guy. He has passion. Sometimes his passion gets the most of him and he says things without thinking, sure. But I think he's allowed to trash talk when his game MORE than backs it up. The guy is the picture of success. Hes a good guy and I really do love him. Classless interviews and all. Wilson. Wilson has a LONG way to go to be a top 5 quarter back but he's gonna be there someday. He plays smart. He doesn't let the pressure get to him. And he's humble. The amount of talent that is behind him is incredible. And with a coach like Carroll.... its gonna come out. And I gotta say, I think his buddy Kaep has taught him a few things.... runnin that ball all over the place last night. If he could learn to tuck it like Kaep does, hed be just as dangerous as his rival. Add in Harvin, and Lynch.... the unstoppable defensive line.... The team is awesome. Stacked. Well coached. Confident. And collected. I don't think that ANYONE saw last nights game coming.
To those saying the best two teams in the NFL played 2 weeks ago..... They're right. The 49ers-Seahawks game was, in my opinion, the game of the year. And if the super bowl was about the best two teams in the NFL, then that would have been it, and guess what, Seattle still would have won had that been the super bowl match up. I think that its fair to say that the top teams on the NFC side and the AFC side did play 2 weeks ago. The NFC had the better teams this year. But, the Super Bowl is about one AFC and one NFC. I think that those two teams were the best in their conference. Absolutely.
Manning.... Manning will forever be my favorite QB. Im loyal to him. I will wear my "this girl loves manning hoodie" with pride. I don't think that last nights game was a reflection of manning. Yes, he threw interceptions. No he wasn't his best. But still, while being clobbered, he set another record. He still out threw Wilson. It didn't get us anywhere, because its true... defense wins Super Bowls. All this talk about his legacy being ruined because of that game. Bogus. Manning is EASILY a top 5 QB of all time. Arguably top 3. Hes not chasing a ring like Favre was. He just really loves to play the game, and looking at his stats this year, hes not ready to be done yet. Everyone can put the retirement talk away. As long as he's HEALTHY enough to play, I don't see a retirement in the near future.
Overall, the game sucked. It wasn't fun to watch. But the right team won the Super Bowl this year, and I really am happy for the Seattle Seahawks. I don't think any team was more deserving. That being said.... I bleed orange and blue. My loyalty will be with Denver until... well I don't know until when. Honestly, I love Manning, so my loyalties may shift when he does retire. Seattle is definitely my favorite NFC team, and arguably my second favorite team all around. But... I believe Denver CAN be as great in post season as they were the rest of the season. Its time to rebuild our defense. Its time to step up our offensive line. And I think maybe we rethink our over preparation for the super bowl next year. Its just another game. Its not something that should add so much pressure that we break and get a safety in the first 12 seconds. That's not how we play. We play smart. We play flexible. We play in the moment. I love my broncos and I am SO proud that they made it to the super bowl. Lets go again next year. With louder fans. With WHITE jerseys. With stronger connections. With less stress. Lets win it. 2015. Lets get 'er done, OrangeCrush style.
First, I have seen Bronco players posting things like "sorry we let you down". Ummmm. No. You didn't let us down. Was the game brutally painful to watch? Yes. But was every other game of the season brutally painful to watch? HECK NO TECHNO! Our season as a whole was not at all a let down. It was record breaking. It was great. It was in fact, the best season that the AFC saw. Clearly, since we won the AFC championship. Our year was amazing and we need to reflect on THOSE games.
Im tired of the Tebow talk. Seriously. We wouldn't have gotten to the super bowl if we had Tebow. Tebow isn't quick. He isn't even comparably as efficient as Manning is with the ball. I heard someone today refer to Tebow as a full back who could throw. But he can't even throw at NFL lengths so really the Tebow talk is worn out. Sorry to the Broncos fans that love Tebow. Hes a great guy. But hes NOT a great quarterback. Would we have been better off with him, absolutely not. That may be the dumbest thing I've heard in all of the post game talk.
Things that were not accounted for this game. Two major ones, at least I feel. The noise. Seahawks have the loudest proudest fans in the NFL. And while everyone expects them to be loud at home, I didn't think anyone expected them to be THIS loud clear across the country. But why can't they have the loudest fans in the NFC, and open the door for someone else to have the loudest fans in the AFC? At least then we'd have some awesome noise happening ALL game long. This has got to go down as the loudest super bowl in NFL history. Seahawks fans are no joke. For real. they're awesome. Lets make orange crush just as loud. I mean, how good are the fans when our players feel they need to apologize to us for letting us down. I promise that had the roles been reversed, the seahawks fans would have been just as loud and just at proud. okay, maybe not "won the first championship since the sonics" proud, but you get my drift.
The second thing we didn't think about. IMO. Is that Seattle has been GROSSLY underestimated all year. They're young, and pretty inexperienced. But Seattle has possibly the most raw talent of any team in the league. Love him or hate him, Sherman is undeniably the best corner in the NFL. Personally, I love the guy. He has passion. Sometimes his passion gets the most of him and he says things without thinking, sure. But I think he's allowed to trash talk when his game MORE than backs it up. The guy is the picture of success. Hes a good guy and I really do love him. Classless interviews and all. Wilson. Wilson has a LONG way to go to be a top 5 quarter back but he's gonna be there someday. He plays smart. He doesn't let the pressure get to him. And he's humble. The amount of talent that is behind him is incredible. And with a coach like Carroll.... its gonna come out. And I gotta say, I think his buddy Kaep has taught him a few things.... runnin that ball all over the place last night. If he could learn to tuck it like Kaep does, hed be just as dangerous as his rival. Add in Harvin, and Lynch.... the unstoppable defensive line.... The team is awesome. Stacked. Well coached. Confident. And collected. I don't think that ANYONE saw last nights game coming.
To those saying the best two teams in the NFL played 2 weeks ago..... They're right. The 49ers-Seahawks game was, in my opinion, the game of the year. And if the super bowl was about the best two teams in the NFL, then that would have been it, and guess what, Seattle still would have won had that been the super bowl match up. I think that its fair to say that the top teams on the NFC side and the AFC side did play 2 weeks ago. The NFC had the better teams this year. But, the Super Bowl is about one AFC and one NFC. I think that those two teams were the best in their conference. Absolutely.
Manning.... Manning will forever be my favorite QB. Im loyal to him. I will wear my "this girl loves manning hoodie" with pride. I don't think that last nights game was a reflection of manning. Yes, he threw interceptions. No he wasn't his best. But still, while being clobbered, he set another record. He still out threw Wilson. It didn't get us anywhere, because its true... defense wins Super Bowls. All this talk about his legacy being ruined because of that game. Bogus. Manning is EASILY a top 5 QB of all time. Arguably top 3. Hes not chasing a ring like Favre was. He just really loves to play the game, and looking at his stats this year, hes not ready to be done yet. Everyone can put the retirement talk away. As long as he's HEALTHY enough to play, I don't see a retirement in the near future.
Overall, the game sucked. It wasn't fun to watch. But the right team won the Super Bowl this year, and I really am happy for the Seattle Seahawks. I don't think any team was more deserving. That being said.... I bleed orange and blue. My loyalty will be with Denver until... well I don't know until when. Honestly, I love Manning, so my loyalties may shift when he does retire. Seattle is definitely my favorite NFC team, and arguably my second favorite team all around. But... I believe Denver CAN be as great in post season as they were the rest of the season. Its time to rebuild our defense. Its time to step up our offensive line. And I think maybe we rethink our over preparation for the super bowl next year. Its just another game. Its not something that should add so much pressure that we break and get a safety in the first 12 seconds. That's not how we play. We play smart. We play flexible. We play in the moment. I love my broncos and I am SO proud that they made it to the super bowl. Lets go again next year. With louder fans. With WHITE jerseys. With stronger connections. With less stress. Lets win it. 2015. Lets get 'er done, OrangeCrush style.
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
The Monster Inside Me
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
I am a happy person. A very happy person. Over the top happy actually. I'm very confident. I love who I am. I KNOW who I am. I embrace who I am. Every part of me. And from what I can remember, I've pretty much always been this way. Which made hearing the news at 19 was especially hard for me. You need back story to really understand what a huge thing this was.
I'm very family oriented. My mom is my best friend. My siblings are my entire heart- well they were at that time, now my own babies actually have that spot, so my siblings have to share :) But I liked being home with them. So it was pretty shocking to everyone, my poor baby sister who was only 7 especially, when I packed up my stuff and essentially disappeared. I decided to move out. Without any warning. Without an explanation. Without a goodbye. It was weeks before I would return calls. And when I did, it was only to my dad. I became very impulsive during this time with just about everything in my life. I had lots of "boyfriends" ( really they were just boys that gave me attention that I craved, but because my heart belonged to Jay, they never went anywhere). I had friends that were horrible influences on me, and encouraged my impulsive behavior. I had several jobs. I had ONE through the entire thing, but I took a second and hopped from restaurant to restaurant.
To be honest, I don't remember a lot of what happened that summer. My mom has told me that they thought I was doing drugs because I was acting so strange. I was literally not recognizable. Not to my parents, not to the man that I loved, not to my true friends, not to my siblings, and certainly not to me. I was destructive. There was a "trigger event" that put all of this into motion. I won't go into those details, but it was traumatic, and something I could not ever recover from if I hadn't made the decision to nail it to the cross and leave it there.
But before I was brave enough to nail it this is what happened......
I don't remember when I moved out. Probably Mayish. Im pretty sure the kids were in school when I left. And I moved back in with my parents the end of July. When I moved back in, my mom told me that things couldn't be the same. She told me she wanted me to go to a meeting with her at the hospital. I don't remember this at all, but she told me that it was a meeting about bi polar. Basically an informational seminar. She said that at the break I told her that the person speaking was describing me. Mom agreed, and said she thought I should see a physchologist. I agreed to go. The first one we went to tried to make me think it was my moms fault that I was acting this way. It made me angry, and I refused to go back to him. So mom found a new one. We met only a handful of times, but she knew at the second meeting that I was bi polar. This is when my diagnosis happened. I didn't believe it. I refused to believe it. I mean, PART of me knew that I fit the symptoms, but then part of me also felt like I had gone through a lot in the last 6 months and I was reacting.
In August, Jay asked me to marry him (yeah, I guess we knew we were suppose to be together because in June when he came home from college, we were barely even talking. It happened very fast.) Then Jay went to boot camp. My family had decided to go to Colorado and wanted me to go with them. So off we went. J graduated in October and I flew to Chicago to watch him graduate. Things were going very well. All the bipolar nonsense had stopped and I was back to my normal self. In December, Jay flew out to see me, and we went to the court house and got married. Of course, that meant moving to Florida where he was going through training to be with my new husband.
Our first year sucked. Not even gonna sugar coat it. It was awful. I don't know how we made it through. Well, that's not true. God's Grace got us through it. Still no signs of any of the bi polar crap. Just normal newly married stuff. We transferred to Washington when I was about 7 months pregnant with our first son. This was the beginning of something beautiful. Our marriage has done nothing but grow since our transfer to Washington. And the bi polar became very real to me here.
Jay deployed for the first time. Leaving me, without a job, in a place that we'd only been for a few months, alone, with a brand new 7 week old baby. I didn't feel out of control at all, but I felt extremely sad. I called my mom sobbing on multiple occasions because I didn't wanna do this. I didn't wanna be here alone with my baby in OUR house without my husband. Mom flew me home a couple weeks later. I visited for about a month, and returned to my happy self. During this time was the first time that I remember talking to my mom about being depressed.
See, heres the thing.
Im not NORMALLY on the depressive side of the scale. My NORMAL is manic. so the overly happy, that didn't raise any red flags to anyone because who goes to the doctor because they're happy?? But the sad side was new to me. I cant tell you how many times i'd call my mom in either a manic or a depressive state and tell her I was swinging again.... she always told me that the light was there, I needed to look at the light. I needed to get my sleep and remember it would be over soon. This happened pretty often while we lived in Washington. Mom says its because of all the rain there. Which I thought was silly until we moved to California.
In California, I was manic. Basically the entire 4 years we were there. I didn't have a single depression episode. I did have a 3 month period that I decided that I needed to seclude myself from my friends, and focus on my kids. But I wasn't depressed. I was focusing too much on my friends and not enough on my boys or myself.
Now were in Chicago, and guess what. The depressive side is rearing its ugly head again. Joy. Its gonna be a fun 3 years!
I don't write this because I want sympathy. I write it for this reason.
I love that I am Bi Polar.
Yep. I said it. I don't love that it turns me into someone who is short with my kids. I don't like that it makes me lose sleep. I don't like that I feel out of control. I don't like that its labeled as a bad thing. or as something that makes one weak. This is what the purpose of this blog entry was.
Having depression is not a weakness. It is a chemical imbalance. Its serious. Its not something that you can just snap out of. It doesn't go away if you stay in bed and eat chicken soup and watch trash tv. It doesn't go away by ignoring it. Depression is something that needs to be handled. With meds, with counseling, with oils. With whatever it is that works for you.... as long as its legal.
I am bi polar, but my bi polar does not define me. It is something that makes me stronger because I have to deal with it. I am not medicated. I will never be medicated. Not as long as I feel I can control it to the extent I do now. I am all about the oils tho, lets try those! But I like my manic. Im a clean manic, so if im swinging, 9 times out of 10, I will deep clean things. this is a dead give away to the man that I am manic. And he knows how to deal with that. Were still working on figuring out the depression swings because those don't happen as often. I believe with my entire heart that I am one of the strongest women that you will ever know. And I have bi polar. I fight this battle on a daily basis. It doesn't defeat me. It doesn't wear me down. It makes me amazing.
I'm very family oriented. My mom is my best friend. My siblings are my entire heart- well they were at that time, now my own babies actually have that spot, so my siblings have to share :) But I liked being home with them. So it was pretty shocking to everyone, my poor baby sister who was only 7 especially, when I packed up my stuff and essentially disappeared. I decided to move out. Without any warning. Without an explanation. Without a goodbye. It was weeks before I would return calls. And when I did, it was only to my dad. I became very impulsive during this time with just about everything in my life. I had lots of "boyfriends" ( really they were just boys that gave me attention that I craved, but because my heart belonged to Jay, they never went anywhere). I had friends that were horrible influences on me, and encouraged my impulsive behavior. I had several jobs. I had ONE through the entire thing, but I took a second and hopped from restaurant to restaurant.
To be honest, I don't remember a lot of what happened that summer. My mom has told me that they thought I was doing drugs because I was acting so strange. I was literally not recognizable. Not to my parents, not to the man that I loved, not to my true friends, not to my siblings, and certainly not to me. I was destructive. There was a "trigger event" that put all of this into motion. I won't go into those details, but it was traumatic, and something I could not ever recover from if I hadn't made the decision to nail it to the cross and leave it there.
But before I was brave enough to nail it this is what happened......
I don't remember when I moved out. Probably Mayish. Im pretty sure the kids were in school when I left. And I moved back in with my parents the end of July. When I moved back in, my mom told me that things couldn't be the same. She told me she wanted me to go to a meeting with her at the hospital. I don't remember this at all, but she told me that it was a meeting about bi polar. Basically an informational seminar. She said that at the break I told her that the person speaking was describing me. Mom agreed, and said she thought I should see a physchologist. I agreed to go. The first one we went to tried to make me think it was my moms fault that I was acting this way. It made me angry, and I refused to go back to him. So mom found a new one. We met only a handful of times, but she knew at the second meeting that I was bi polar. This is when my diagnosis happened. I didn't believe it. I refused to believe it. I mean, PART of me knew that I fit the symptoms, but then part of me also felt like I had gone through a lot in the last 6 months and I was reacting.
In August, Jay asked me to marry him (yeah, I guess we knew we were suppose to be together because in June when he came home from college, we were barely even talking. It happened very fast.) Then Jay went to boot camp. My family had decided to go to Colorado and wanted me to go with them. So off we went. J graduated in October and I flew to Chicago to watch him graduate. Things were going very well. All the bipolar nonsense had stopped and I was back to my normal self. In December, Jay flew out to see me, and we went to the court house and got married. Of course, that meant moving to Florida where he was going through training to be with my new husband.
Our first year sucked. Not even gonna sugar coat it. It was awful. I don't know how we made it through. Well, that's not true. God's Grace got us through it. Still no signs of any of the bi polar crap. Just normal newly married stuff. We transferred to Washington when I was about 7 months pregnant with our first son. This was the beginning of something beautiful. Our marriage has done nothing but grow since our transfer to Washington. And the bi polar became very real to me here.
Jay deployed for the first time. Leaving me, without a job, in a place that we'd only been for a few months, alone, with a brand new 7 week old baby. I didn't feel out of control at all, but I felt extremely sad. I called my mom sobbing on multiple occasions because I didn't wanna do this. I didn't wanna be here alone with my baby in OUR house without my husband. Mom flew me home a couple weeks later. I visited for about a month, and returned to my happy self. During this time was the first time that I remember talking to my mom about being depressed.
See, heres the thing.
Im not NORMALLY on the depressive side of the scale. My NORMAL is manic. so the overly happy, that didn't raise any red flags to anyone because who goes to the doctor because they're happy?? But the sad side was new to me. I cant tell you how many times i'd call my mom in either a manic or a depressive state and tell her I was swinging again.... she always told me that the light was there, I needed to look at the light. I needed to get my sleep and remember it would be over soon. This happened pretty often while we lived in Washington. Mom says its because of all the rain there. Which I thought was silly until we moved to California.
In California, I was manic. Basically the entire 4 years we were there. I didn't have a single depression episode. I did have a 3 month period that I decided that I needed to seclude myself from my friends, and focus on my kids. But I wasn't depressed. I was focusing too much on my friends and not enough on my boys or myself.
Now were in Chicago, and guess what. The depressive side is rearing its ugly head again. Joy. Its gonna be a fun 3 years!
I don't write this because I want sympathy. I write it for this reason.
I love that I am Bi Polar.
Yep. I said it. I don't love that it turns me into someone who is short with my kids. I don't like that it makes me lose sleep. I don't like that I feel out of control. I don't like that its labeled as a bad thing. or as something that makes one weak. This is what the purpose of this blog entry was.
Having depression is not a weakness. It is a chemical imbalance. Its serious. Its not something that you can just snap out of. It doesn't go away if you stay in bed and eat chicken soup and watch trash tv. It doesn't go away by ignoring it. Depression is something that needs to be handled. With meds, with counseling, with oils. With whatever it is that works for you.... as long as its legal.
I am bi polar, but my bi polar does not define me. It is something that makes me stronger because I have to deal with it. I am not medicated. I will never be medicated. Not as long as I feel I can control it to the extent I do now. I am all about the oils tho, lets try those! But I like my manic. Im a clean manic, so if im swinging, 9 times out of 10, I will deep clean things. this is a dead give away to the man that I am manic. And he knows how to deal with that. Were still working on figuring out the depression swings because those don't happen as often. I believe with my entire heart that I am one of the strongest women that you will ever know. And I have bi polar. I fight this battle on a daily basis. It doesn't defeat me. It doesn't wear me down. It makes me amazing.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Whoops
Thursday, April 21, 2011
I always have such good intentions of keeping up with this. But intentions aren't always realistic. Not with 3 boys runnin' around! I don't really have time to fill in the last 6 months, but.... i will soon :) we are all doing well, just busy busy busy! An updated post will be up before the weekend tho! Promise!!!
Friday, November 12, 2010
Long time, no blog
Friday, November 12, 2010
Well. A lot has happened since i last blogged.
I have 3 kids now.
A three year old.
A deployed husband.
And a little sewing business.
Where shall i start....
The obvious i suppose. Asher James joined us just hours before my mama and baby sister arrived in California to witness his birth.... Apparently he decided that he had been incubated long enough and he wasn't gonna wait for Gramma. This, for me, was heart breaking. All i wanted was for my mom to be able to be here, to hold my hand, and tell me i was doing great, and see her baby, have a baby. I still am emotional about it. It sucks. Bitty (as we call him) is our last. We are DONE. don't try to convince me other wise, because i am done. Mom was here shortly after i had all three of them, but never was she able to be there for the actual delivery. Why oh why must these babies come on THEIR schedule, which is so unknown, rather than mine? Nonetheless. He is AMAZING. such a good baby. He's a total mama's boys. And a perfect physical mix of both my boys. He definitely looks like he belongs. Our labor and delivery experience was different this time, as we had a midwife. She was awesome. In fact... If i ever do make it back to school... she has inspired me to go all the way and be a midwife. I almost want to have another baby, just do i can do that again! The boys have adjusted well to him, and just LOVE their baby. We are blessed.
I have a three year old now.... nuff said.
J deployed in mid August. That was hard. J's never really been the emotional kind, and this time it was harder to say goodbye than either of the other times. We have grown leaps and bounds in the last two years. I love that man more than i can even fathom. Our marriage is seriously not even believable, its so great. SO, having worked as hard as we have to get to where we are.... we are both a little concerned about what the deployment will do.... worried that it distance us.... Now, that being said... Im sure that when he gets home in the spring... or summer.... or whenever the navy decides to return him to us, that we will pick up right where we left off. Im a firm believer that if we are afraid of something that we have control of, that we will make sure that fear never comes true. For example. Having Bitty made Middle... well, a middle. I am TERRIFIED that he will have middle child syndrome, feel neglected and rebel. Now, if you've ever met Middle, you know i have reason to be concerned about the rebelling part. He is EXTREMELY strong willed. Im beginning to figure him out, but man oh man is it frustrating! He responds to his DADDY, and his daddy isn't home! He's not doing well with this deployment.... He cries to me... and when he wakes up at night, he just wants daddy.... This too shall pass.
Some good has come from this deployment so far... I made some friends. Their hubby's have been deployed too... up until now that is....They have now either returned, or have a date and time that they'll be home. I am beyond thrilled for these girls. Its been a LONG 8 months. But at the same time, Im bummed. Bummed that not only does it remind me that I still have more than half our deployment to go, but also bummed that they will probably all be doing "couple" and "family" things, which will of course, leave me out of the loop! I will not whine, tho, I will take our park days and be thankful they are here. And im sure i won't have too much trouble convincing them that i need some company when i need to do some retail therapy.
Through my attempts to mask the tears that come when i am bored... I started to sew. And who would thought... I am GOOD at it! I have made countless nursing covers, outfits, boppy covers, blankets, some hemming, and am currently working on a stroller cover... though that will be put on hold while i get all the holiday decorations made up. I am really loving it, and it certainly does keep me busy during the weepy times. Its called Sew Bitty Designs... I do have a website, and a FB page, but im not good about updating either.... tho i do think im slightly better at keeping up with those than i am with this....
I am going to attempt to keep up with this better. I don't have much adult interaction, so getting my thoughts out, strangely makes me feel like im slightly more adjusted.... I have a 4 month old that thinks he needs some mama love, and I am not gonna argue! Pictures of the newest Monty coming soon!
I have 3 kids now.
A three year old.
A deployed husband.
And a little sewing business.
Where shall i start....
The obvious i suppose. Asher James joined us just hours before my mama and baby sister arrived in California to witness his birth.... Apparently he decided that he had been incubated long enough and he wasn't gonna wait for Gramma. This, for me, was heart breaking. All i wanted was for my mom to be able to be here, to hold my hand, and tell me i was doing great, and see her baby, have a baby. I still am emotional about it. It sucks. Bitty (as we call him) is our last. We are DONE. don't try to convince me other wise, because i am done. Mom was here shortly after i had all three of them, but never was she able to be there for the actual delivery. Why oh why must these babies come on THEIR schedule, which is so unknown, rather than mine? Nonetheless. He is AMAZING. such a good baby. He's a total mama's boys. And a perfect physical mix of both my boys. He definitely looks like he belongs. Our labor and delivery experience was different this time, as we had a midwife. She was awesome. In fact... If i ever do make it back to school... she has inspired me to go all the way and be a midwife. I almost want to have another baby, just do i can do that again! The boys have adjusted well to him, and just LOVE their baby. We are blessed.
I have a three year old now.... nuff said.
J deployed in mid August. That was hard. J's never really been the emotional kind, and this time it was harder to say goodbye than either of the other times. We have grown leaps and bounds in the last two years. I love that man more than i can even fathom. Our marriage is seriously not even believable, its so great. SO, having worked as hard as we have to get to where we are.... we are both a little concerned about what the deployment will do.... worried that it distance us.... Now, that being said... Im sure that when he gets home in the spring... or summer.... or whenever the navy decides to return him to us, that we will pick up right where we left off. Im a firm believer that if we are afraid of something that we have control of, that we will make sure that fear never comes true. For example. Having Bitty made Middle... well, a middle. I am TERRIFIED that he will have middle child syndrome, feel neglected and rebel. Now, if you've ever met Middle, you know i have reason to be concerned about the rebelling part. He is EXTREMELY strong willed. Im beginning to figure him out, but man oh man is it frustrating! He responds to his DADDY, and his daddy isn't home! He's not doing well with this deployment.... He cries to me... and when he wakes up at night, he just wants daddy.... This too shall pass.
Some good has come from this deployment so far... I made some friends. Their hubby's have been deployed too... up until now that is....They have now either returned, or have a date and time that they'll be home. I am beyond thrilled for these girls. Its been a LONG 8 months. But at the same time, Im bummed. Bummed that not only does it remind me that I still have more than half our deployment to go, but also bummed that they will probably all be doing "couple" and "family" things, which will of course, leave me out of the loop! I will not whine, tho, I will take our park days and be thankful they are here. And im sure i won't have too much trouble convincing them that i need some company when i need to do some retail therapy.
Through my attempts to mask the tears that come when i am bored... I started to sew. And who would thought... I am GOOD at it! I have made countless nursing covers, outfits, boppy covers, blankets, some hemming, and am currently working on a stroller cover... though that will be put on hold while i get all the holiday decorations made up. I am really loving it, and it certainly does keep me busy during the weepy times. Its called Sew Bitty Designs... I do have a website, and a FB page, but im not good about updating either.... tho i do think im slightly better at keeping up with those than i am with this....
I am going to attempt to keep up with this better. I don't have much adult interaction, so getting my thoughts out, strangely makes me feel like im slightly more adjusted.... I have a 4 month old that thinks he needs some mama love, and I am not gonna argue! Pictures of the newest Monty coming soon!
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